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Woops. I can't believe how long it's been since my last entry. Sorry! I have been so busy this semester I didn't even remember having this blog. I wish I did update regularly though - the fun in Panama, the drama with the orchestra conductor, the Taras Bulba performance, the day of the dress rehearsal for my recital (which was one of the best days of my life), the recital, the amazing Tchaikovsky Serenade for Strings on 2 oboes, 8 English horns and a bass oboe; the coffee talk with Alex Klein and everything else - I wish I could share all these with you. I can't give details on everything now, but I want to let you know that I had a great year. I became everything I wished to become. I gained everything I deserved gaining and lost everything I deserved losing. I became this person I used to dream of becoming. I have just enough power over what happens to myself. I am nowhere near weak like I was. I still cry, but I am toughening up. I am getting ready for the real world that is dynamic, cruel and exciting.
(I am not very awake... oh and, I am staying at Nelson's place, just like I was in the last entry)
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In a garden of roses, I thought I found the one for me
We loved truthfully, yet the rose pierced my hands deeply
It's pointless to blame anyone--
All roses are red, making it inevitable to get them mixed up
Looking at the sky I ask, does love only exist in fairy tales
The Little Prince said there are things you need to experience before you can understand
There is a hole in every heart
Being unable to find love will leave you lonely forever
Wiping off my tears, I am alone again, wandering in this universe
The Little Prince said love will definitely bloom in certain corner,
But on the road I already see so many people in love
Will I ever find my happiness? When?
I wish there is someone waiting for me
On the Planet 612 that belongs to me
So that I am willing to continue my journey when pain comes
So that I will at least have dreams when I'm not happy
There must be someone waiting for me,
Who is willing to embrace every part of me
I don't know how many mountains and valleys I have to overcome before we meet, but
Please don't fade away too fast, my rose; please wait for me
***
I know I should be in bed, but Nelson turned the heater off in my room during the party and forgot to turn it back on so I'm freezing cold. I'll have to wait until it gets warm enough.
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so, my ex-boyfriend told me he reads this blog. yup.
good job, david.
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:(
I'm kind of sad that no one reads this blog anymore. I guess I can't really blame anyone...
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| Hey guys,
Sorry for not having updated in a while. I have been extremely busy this semester. In fact, I should really be writing a paper right now, or at least reading for it. I just really feel like blogging now for some strange reasons.
I'm going to go ahead and give everyone an update of my long and complicated life this semester in a nutshell. I took way too many classes at the beginning of the semester and ended up not being able to handle it at all so I had to drop two classes half way of the semester and took two second module classes to make up the credit. That's mostly why I've been so busy. I also got really sick twice, which kept me from doing work and made me suffer for a couple days each time, but I'm very healthy right now - eating a lot and sleeping moderately. I became a lot closer with my brother this semester. I started hanging out with him and his friends more. I am now really good friends with one of his best friends, Xi, but no worries parents and relatives, I will never ever fall in love with him. We are like an old married couple who like each other deeply but don't find each other attractive at all. That's a funny way to put it, but it adheres closely to the fact. I did have a boyfriend - I did. We went out for a little longer than two months but it wasn't working too well so we broke up. We are still friends, or at least trying very hard to be. The oboe is going okay, but the English horn is going way better. I played the English horn in the opera Cendrillon and received a lot of compliments. I really like playing the English horn it's becoming my passion. I'm trying to put together a quartet next semester to play the Francaix English horn quartet. I am, in fact, really excited for it.
The reason I'm writing this and not writing my paper - I have feelings for this one person I shouldn't have feelings for. David and I broke up more than a month ago and I think it is time to move on, except I am falling for the person who I fell for two years ago and didn't have a good outcome. I don't like this feeling. Please don't get me wrong - he is a good boy. He is a very nice and goodhearted boy. Him and I have been friends for years. We were in the same quartet my first year. With that said, he is also a really good musician. I have every reason to like him. We get along well and we make each other happy. I really like this boy. However, I know for a fact that he doesn't like me, and there is no way he will like me. I don't know why I am so sure that he doesn't like me. I know he likes me as a friend. I even know that he finds me attractive. He is friendly to me, he says hi to me, he is willing to spend time with me... but there is something missing. I don't have a feeling that he feels the same way about me. Well, one thing that tells me so is that, I know he knows that I like him more than just a friend, but he hadn't done anything to it. It seems to me that he just wants it to fade away and be friends with me. I don't know. It can all be only happening in my head. Him and I are making dinner together tomorrow. Yes, only the two of us. Don't think of it too romantically - it's just something that we said we were going to do a long time ago but haven't done so we're doing it now to fulfill the promise. I am really nervous about it. I don't know what to expect. It's such an overly romantic setting that I realized nothing too good can come out of it. I'll probably be told the fact that he doesn't like me, blah blah blah... Alright, alright. I know I'm being too pessimistic. I should really go bury myself in the books and write my paper. Sorry for such a long entry. I hope you had fun reading!
Hope everyone is excited about the holiday!
With much love,
Michelle
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